Great Big Kerala Tour 2019

Tour Director Taz

Our tour guide and menu selector, translator, interpreter, drink safety consultant, planner, booking agent, currency consultant, provider of mum's amazing local sweets and most of all charming and lovely introducer to one of the most beautiful places I have visited.

Big thanks to Taz for everything - we packed a lot into 5 days thanks to your amazing organisation.

The flight with Emirates was much more comfortable than I was expecting.  A take off that was hardly noticeable in the A380 (my first flight on one of these enormous beasts).  Breaking the journey in Dubai gave the opportunity to shake out the skeleton and get a bit of exercise.  Dubai airport is so vast to get from terminal A to C involved either a train or bus ride (go figure there seems to be a choice) and a good 18 minute walk.  We boarded a 777 for the shorter flight into Kochi with the same comfort and entertainment choices (Can You Ever Forgive Me - 8 and The Pursuit of Happiness - 6.5 for me).  We arrived and got through immigration without incident or noticeable Indian bureaucracy (more of that later) and were greeted by our charming driver and the 'palace on wheels'.

We have arrived India!

The first thing we did was dither about trying to get some cash, the machine at the airport was either empty or broken so we (that is the driver directed by Taz) had to find a cash machine on our way to breakfast.  I tried to buy a pack of cigarettes and not being used to the currency I gave the vendor the impression I wanted a single cigarette which the shopkeeper brought to me in his sweaty hand.  I rejected this kindness and it took another 2 days to find another cigarette shop.

4 on a bike

The roads in India are a lot less frightening when you are on them than when you think about them.  Seat belts seem to be more of a suggestion than reality.  Traffic goes every way and on one occasion our bus driver went anti clockwise at a roundabout for a right turn rather than bother with the longer clockwise route.

3 on a bike

Everyone toots all the time but it's not threatening or aggressive, rather a friendly 'I'm here, please don't kill me'.  Somehow it works but I'm not sure I would be brave enough to take the wheel.

Breakfast arrives

Our first meal of masala dosa served on a banana leaf went down like a homesick mole.  First we (Taz) had a detailed conversation with the waiter about the filtering of the water resulting in the unanimous decision to order bottled soda and tea or coffee.  Masala dosa is a very large, very thin pancake with delicious potato curry in the centre.  We had our first introduction to 'everything in Kerala has coconut in it' by way of the chutney which I loved.

Breakfast disappears

Breakfast under our belts and cash in our pockets we headed for the hotel for a quick rest to fortify ourselves before exploring the town.

Outside the breakfast venue

First we went past the Dutch cemetery which was not open to visitors but we could see the graves through the gate.  Then onto the St Francis church where Vasco da Gama, the first European to reach India by sea, was buried in 1524, his remains were moved to Lisbon in 1538 but his original headstone remains.  First a Portuguese Catholic Church it became a Dutch Protestant church then the English got in on the act and it became an Anglican church.  It remains an active place of worship and we were required to leave our shoes at the door and were not permitted to take any pictures inside which is a pity because there remains a punka cooling system there.  

Santa Cruz Cathedral

We walked on to the Santa Cruz cathedral basilica where we had to go around the corner and wait 5 minutes for some people the caretaker did not want to admit to the church to move on before he would let us in.  When we did get in we found a Lonely Planet guidebook had been left for us so we took it after a brief moral dilemma debate involving their falling in love and not needing it anymore.

Site of the guide book debate

Visiting an antique shop that used to be Taz's grannie's house we looked around at what seemed to be over priced decorative items.  When we were encouraged to look at carpets and take some tea Jo Potter decided to go outside and look at some cricket instead.

The boys in the foreground made a half hearted attempt to extort some money out of us until we pointed out that they were too healthy and well nourished to be begging and they seemed to agree.  Behind them there is a quite a vigorous game going on but it is hard to see unless you know it's there.

Tapas in the Devine Wine Lounge

Having experienced a little culture and a little shopping we needed some refreshment and visited the hotel bar for tapas and drinks before heading out for a walk along the beach and on to dinner under the stars with live music in the background and another feast.  And this was all on day 1!

On the walk along the beach

Dinner under the stars

Back to the hotel to work out how to sleep under a mosquito net without getting wound up in it in the night.  Slept like a log.

 Day 2

Breakfast in the hotel and off to the Mattancherry Palace museum where we were charged 5 rupees entry - the equivalent of 5p.  This was great value for money to see murals depicting some of the Indian epics as well as life sized oil portraits of the kings of Cochin from 1864 to 1948.

On to the Waterfront Granary where we had a boat trip on the river followed by lunch.  The hotel, with its collection of 20th century commercial machines, is an oasis in the middle of a terrifying road, impassable for our bus, where commodities and building materials were being traded.  
Taz ordered another feast which we had to rush a bit to get to the school for 3pm.

Advance party for the school

We thought it would be easy to get 3 autos to take us to the school and Jodie, Alison and I jumped in the first one and then waited ages outside the school for the others who had had to walk most of the way because the bad road and lack of passing foot traffic was not attractive to auto drivers!

The advance party waited outside the school feeling a bit too out of our depth to go in on our own.  Eventually a few of the girls came and talked to us.  They asked our names and told us theirs and wondered if Alison and I were twins when we said we are sisters!  The rest of the group finally arrived and we went into the school to a warm welcome with snacks and fresh coconut water with the headmistress and a couple of the teachers.  Then we were taken to all the different classrooms and introduced to the children.  The older class was last and we had some time to just chat to the children who are exactly like children the world over.  They were exuberant and a bit cheeky and full of life and promise.  The girls all wanted to know if we were married and the boys wanted to know if we could arrange for a football goalpost for the school and whether we would give them our sunglasses.

Four of the older girls

Class of cheeky teenagers

Teachers and tourists

Sam in her element 

We left the school feeling quite emotional and wanting very much to repay the kindness we had been shown with something a bit more long lasting than the things we had taken.  We still need to decide how to do this and not let it slip as our ankles return to their normal size and the memory of the smell of deet recedes.

Foot refreshment at the Malabar House Hotel

Back to the hotel to cool down before setting off for a walk through the shops of Fort Cochin.  We visited the synagogue and having had enough culture for one day we then bought some spices, carved elephants, paper mâché cats, and soap in wooden dishes, embroidered tea towels and other holiday essentials.





After going back to the hotel Alison, Sarah-Jane and I decided we hadn't done quite enough shopping. We got an auto to save time and he took us on a long detour ending up at a shop where he would get a coupon for 1kg of rice if we would just go in and have a look with no obligation to buy.  The delicious tea that is designed to make us want to spend money worked and Alison is now the proud owner of a lovely pashmina.  The rogue auto driver then took us to our desired destination for a modest fare.
I haggled very hard over the purchase of a skirt that I thought I was being asked £40 for that turned out to be £4 and I got it for £3.50 - getting the money wrong can have various consequences.
To save time we decided to get another auto back to the hotel rather than take a 5 minute walk .  We told the driver we were in a rush and needed to go straight to the hotel so he took us on a 15 minute wild goose chase all around the town pointing out interesting places were were not interested in and then was very rude to us when we gave him 50 rupees and he guilted me into giving him 100.  I realise now it was the difference between 50p and £1 and even with that in mind I still feel a bit cross about being fleeced.

Another great dinner at a hotel across the river from where we had lunch and then back to the hotel.












Day 3

Early start to get to the houseboat for noon.  Good job Taz had built in some margin for time delay because we arrived bang on time even though we left late from the hotel.

We were each presented with a garland of fresh jasmine when we boarded the boat and a drink of coconut water.  The accommodation was meant for 8 but we squeezed 10 in without a problem.

St Mary's Basilica 

Inside St Mary's Basilica

We stopped at St Mary's Syrian church - one of the oldest christian churches in India.  

Add caption

Lunch on the boat and some relaxing before an evening of murder and gin.

Marguerite, Escapologist

Sundown on the river

Day 4
Boarded the palace on wheels for the journey to Munnar.  Slow journey on winding roads going up into the hills towards the Leaf hotel where we were greeted very warmly.  No time for lunch so we had sandwiches packed for us for the Jeep safari to see the wild elephants.  Bumpiest ride ever, my internal organs are still recovering from the experience.  The other victim of the bumps was the sachets of tomato ketchup jumped out of the Jeep and Jo Gallear nearly jumped out after them.

To the waterfall

At the waterfall

Back in the Jeeps for the rest of the journey, successfully retrieving the rogue ketchup.  We were rewarded for the bumpy ride and very long wait by a visit from the wild elephants.

The elephants took a while to appear and we didn't get back to the hotel until quite late, changed for dinner and met in the restaurant to discover we were in a dry hotel and had only one bottle of prosecco left or did we?  I had opened it before going to dinner before I knew the hotel was dry.  Fortunately there was two thirds of the bottle left to help us with a game of rummy after dinner.

Day 5
Another early start to get to Cherai for our last night in Kerala at the 36 Palms hotel.  We didn't have time to go to the tea museum but we did take a detour to see a tea plantation.

Just in case the hotel turned out to be dry we decided to buy some wine and beer on the way.  Buying alcohol in India is not easy (bit like cigarettes) and the only place we could find was a seedy bar on the beach.  Taz took on the challenge of buying wine and beer from a proprietor who must have been very glad to get such a big order unexpectedly.

 Turns out that the 36 Palms is dry so just as well we planned ahead.  Spectacular resort right on the Arabian Sea.  The water is too rough and the shore too rocky to go in and swim but you can sit on the rocks and get soaked in the spray.

Yoga and wine

We were permitted to bring our own liquor as long as we put it in a coffee mug in a public area!  It is really a yoga and detox retreat and some of us had treatments involving strips of paper between the buttocks.  I had a facial by a very old lady who spoke no English and locked one of the hotel managers in the bathroom during the procedure.  Sam, Louise and I had a private yoga class which persuades me to try once again to haul my carcass off to yoga.  Apart from the rat it was very relaxing.

We rounded off the evening with dinner, more murder and most of the wine and beer we had bought.

Day 6
Early start to the airport for the return home.  Getting through Kochi airport was a bewildering experience of Indian bureaucracy.  Fortunately Taz had told us in advance to have our return ticket printed as it was needed to get us through the door of the airport.  I don't think we look like Jeep Safari touts, but rules are rules.  I managed to choose the slowest queue through immigration behind someone who's visa was not in order and a clerk who seemed to be a trainee.  Eventually I got the stamp of approval to move on 15 metres to the next uniformed official who wanted to look at my passport.  Take a number to put your things through the x-ray machine and ladies go for individual inspection by the only unfriendly person in Kerala (I think she must have been from somewhere else) who stamped both sections of the boarding pass.  I got through to departures eventually for a return journey as comfortable as the inbound one.

10 Go to India with the Palace on Wheels